Tuesday, February 19, 2013

Floating...


I have so many ideas floating around my head, bouncing off the walls, hiding in corners, disappearing and reappearing. I have been struggling with finding the actual content of my book with so many possibilities that could become a reality--What story do I want to tell my audience? What do I want them to leave with? What do I want them to learn/understand from having "read" my book?

This semester I have been feeling myself floating in a sense as well. My mind, body and soul expanding in a way. All my classes, my relationships with friends and my mindset on life have shifted since a few months ago, in a good way. Last semester I felt as if I was in a constant fight, battle, struggle with myself; it was between the me I was showing to the world, and the me I truly was inside. Winter break was a sort of rebirth for me. I had acknowledged the change that needed to take place, felt the pain of that awareness, and this semester I began putting into action the things I needed to do in order to change...

It's just like when you have a tight shoulder. It's all locked up and tense, and has been that way for so long that you don't realize it is locked at all. Then the day comes when someone massages that shoulder. Painful. Oh so painful. Your body doesn't want to let go of the tension because it has been there for so long it feels like it belongs there. Then you are aware that it is there and you can't ignore it. It hurts every day and you just want the pain to go away. You have two options: A. ignore the pain until the shoulder locks up again a bit tighter. Or B. address the pain and move through it until the shoulder releases the tension. Option A will always be easier to do in the short term, but option B will always be better in the long term. Ignored tension only get greater and more difficult to deal with when shoved away and locked in a box.

So, I chose option B, and have never regretted it for a second. There were those sad and painful times of releasing that "tension" bit by bit, of course, but I feel like a phoenix reborn from my own ashes. I needed to light myself on fire in order for the rebirth to begin.

The reason I write about this (my life) is because I think that the content of my book may be living within the circumstances and struggles I have had to endure through this past year. Writers always say: "write about what you know," so perhaps the reason I am having trouble finding my content is because I am so close to it that I somehow can't see it. It's "right under my nose" so to speak.

The lessons that I have learned this past year (the books that I have read, in a sense) exist on many levels: literal, spiritual, inward, outward, thinking, action, ect. If I can find a way to condense these levels into a story to tell, then I think I may have my book...

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